The greatest moment in my life

I received my self realisation in November 1977. I had been seeking for years and as a result of trying various so-called spiritual paths, had become damaged and confused. I decided that it would be better not to get involved with ‘spiritual’ groups or people.

One day, one of the people I was sharing a house with mentioned an advertisement she had seen in Time Out magazine, for a programme at Caxton Hall given by an Indian lady. With my past experiences in mind, I declined to go with her. She went, and when she came back, she looked different. There was some colour in her normally pale face, and there seemed to be a glow about her. On her next visit to Caxton Hall, I again refused to go. I was unwell, and asked her if she would buy me some fruit on her way home from work.

That night she came back late and handed me some grapes. I ate one, and to my amazement received what felt like a very pleasant electric shock! The grape tasted so cool, sweet and delicious – it seemed to sparkle with life! I began to feel better. When I asked her where she had bought the grapes, she said she had bought them in the market. When she went to the Sahaja Yoga programme, the Indian lady had given her a lemon, which she had placed in the same bag as the grapes. They had been vibrated by the lemon. Needless to say, the following week, I agreed to attend Shri Mataji’s programme.

We arrived in good time. Shri Mataji was already seated on the stage, waiting patiently for people to arrive, and looking intensely at the audience. I remember feeling very awed at seeing Her sitting on the stage, and found Her presence immensely powerful. There was a group of Sahaja Yogis seated around Her on the stage – perhaps six or seven. Shri Mataji gave a talk, which I was unable to understand very well, partly due to a very poor sound system, but no doubt also due to my being caught up. She then gave realisation. At that moment I knew that this was the end of my years of searching. I was aware of a happening in my system, and a quietening of the mind.

Shri Mataji then came down from the stage and worked on each person in the audience individually row by row. She came to me.

‘Good!’ She said and made to go away.

‘Can You help my friend? She gets a lot of colds,’ the person who had brought me said.

Shri Mataji looked into me deeply and compassionately. It felt as if Her eyes were boring right inside me, but without judgment.

‘Where is your father? Where is your mother?’ She asked, and I knew She had touched on the most significant problems in my life. I told Her that my father had died five years before. She told me to put my left hand on my right heart and to tell my father not to worry about me, that I was being looked after, that he should leave me and take his rebirth and get his realisation. I told Her that my mother had hardly spoken to me for some years and that I had written to her a couple of months before but she had not answered me.

At this first meeting, Shri Mataji then put Her hand on my back, and on my head. I felt an immensely powerful, rushing sensation up my spine, and then silence, total silence, total peace. I couldn’t speak, and I couldn’t sleep. No thoughts, just being. This was the greatest moment I had ever experienced in my life, a moment in evolution, the raising of the awareness to a new dimension.

We saw a lot of Shri Mataji in those days. She used to come to Caxton Hall every week, on Mondays. Some people were quite aggressive, but they would address Shri Mataji as Mother.

‘If you address Me as Mother you should speak to Me as you would to your mother,’ She said, and that made them better.

Patricia Proenza


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