1960-1980Chapter 13Experiences

I felt a deep connection inside with Her being

Incarnation | Sahajayoga Reviews

After receiving my realisation in Delhi, in March 1979, I was invited to go with the Sahaja Yogis and Shri Mataji to a seminar in Bordi, on the coast near Bombay.

We all went on the train with Shri Mataji, who was in a different carriage. It was surprising to me how available She was, never requesting special treatment nor was She shut away behind closed doors. We ate with Her, travelled with Her, slept where She slept and She talked with everyone equally, according to their need, in a very Motherly manner. I was told later, that on hearing I was accompanying the group to Bordi, some people had said that I was catching everywhere.

‘Don’t worry, she will be all right,’ Shri Mataji said. In Her compassion She knew exactly what was in everyone’s heart, who were the real seekers.

On Saturday morning we gathered for the beginning of the seminar in a large hut. Shri Mataji, in Her chair, instructed us to stand in front of Her, in a bandhan. There were about forty of us and we faced Her in a semi-circle, with our palms and fingers connected to each other. The person on the left side, at the beginning of the line, had their left hand pointed to Shri Mataji, taking vibrations from Her. The person at the end of the line had their right hand pointed up in the air away from the circle, so we were all collectively clearing out through the person at the end.  Shri Mataji asked if we were all feeling the cool breeze in both hands. Up to this point I had not felt any vibrations. Suddenly I could feel cool pouring out of my right hand, but absolutely nothing in my left side. Shri Mataji asked me to come out of the circle and sit on the floor in front of Her, to put my right hand on my left heart and keep my left hand pointed towards Her.

‘Ask the question,’ She said. ‘Ask, is this the cool breeze of the Holy Ghost? Is this the cool breeze of the param chaitanya? Ask it three times.’

I did, and felt an amazing wind pouring from Shri Mataji onto me. She seemed very big, looming over me, and something welled up inside and rushed up to the top of my head and lifted a huge weight off my shoulders. I felt so different, light and happy, like writing poetry, as if I had been given my soul back again.

That afternoon, for the first time in my presence Shri Mataji gave a talk in English. We were a small group, listening to Her words at Her Feet, and as I listened I felt a deep connection inside with Her being, as if She was saying with Her being, not Her words, that everything I had always valued was real and true and important. The words that I remembered from this talk spoke directly to me.

‘Do you think Christ was a namby-pamby skinny sort of fellow? No He was not!’ She said, and in one stroke dissolved the vice-like torment I had been living under, for I had been unknowingly suffering cruelly from anorexia for five years.

I was very moved by the love and joy of the Indian yogis surrounding Her at the time and thought that if they had got this joy and love through Sahaja Yoga then this was what I wanted.

Felicity Payment